Friday May 30

CAN'T SLEEP

 

This is night 2 little sleep.

My mind is whirling in a thousand directions.

How can we get this all done?

Let's see, we need to do this tomorrow.

Mother wants window bars, get rid of his meds, what do we do with

Daddy's clothes. These are not my priorities.

Another bank, more financials, more signatures, pay the bills.

 

The Perhaps this is the Best Meditation Relaxation music I downloaded is not relaxing.

My mind is racing through it. Need to relax, think about something else.

Put on Macklemore. Not relaxing but I try to memorize the words.

Mind doesn't slow, just goes in another direction.

 

Macklemore, can we go Thrift Store shopping? a little girls' voice says.

I think, Daddy can we go to A&W Root Beer for just a little mug?

Neon Cathedral.

That is speaking to me.

Don't need another but sure sounds good.

 

Relax I say. More words, more songs.

Maybe I did fall asleep.

Now it's 3 am.

Black Cadillac, Capital Hill, just leaning back....

 

Wake up.

Today's goals, do not lose purse or keys or credit card.

Do not pull out in front of another car.

Massage at 5 pm.

You thought I was tight before.

 

Another day, need a break from the family.

Haven't seen this much of them

since I lived at home 40 years ago.

Mending fences.

Make weekend lists. What will we eat?

Nothing that involves chicken is the only request.

Mom and sis losing weight. I don't weigh. Maybe more maybe less for me.

I find Daddy's last batch of potato salad in the fridge.

Has Onions,

is the sign on the Tupperware lid.

It's his handwriting. He didn't get to finish it.

I take it home and put it in the freezer,

right by Kimmie's spaghetti.

 

Another sleepless night.

More  Macklemore.

Neon Cathedral. Swoosh, holding up the roof,

You mean it's a loan?

I'm understanding more.

10,000 hours, that's what I wish I still had with my Dad.