May 28

May 29

 

I get a call, the call, at 8:04. I am at work.

Mother says, daddy is not well. I think you should come.

I leave work.

Drive home.

I hope Daddy will wait for me.

I call Todd. Go to Mother and Daddy's house.

Daddy is not well.

 

You left last night. We had your soup.

He said I don't feel well, just take me to bed.

Mother did what she could do.

She got him to bed.

He wasn't making sense and he went to sleep.

 

I got the call. He was sleeping. I cry Daddy I knew this day would come.

Daddy you can see Kimmy. Please say hello, I know she is ok.

Please let her know we are ok.

Daddy, it is ok. Daddy we are ok.

Daddy can you hear me? Daddy, can you squeeze my hand?

 

NO

 

Daddy, can I shift your pillow. Daddy, Todd is here. Can you hear him?

 

 

NO but he shifts.
 

Daddy do you need a pillow?

Sister, I call her on your on your way? Yes she says.

Daddy, you have to wait. We're not all here.

Can I help you sit up?

What can I do?

 

I know you don't want to go to the hospital. Just wait for my sister,

your daughter.

Daddy it's ok.

We've had great trips, we have good memories.

Mother is good hands.

It's ok. Talk to Kimmy

Wait for sister.

 

She comes. She cries. Daddy, can you squeeze my hand?

NO

Can I make your more comfortable?

 

She we call the doctor? No he wants to die at home.

Two hours pass. He breathes. We call the doctor. He says call 911.

Parmeds come. Oh daddy would be pissed if he knew.

Sirens. I hate sirens and parameds in my house. Not good news.

 

Docs say, do you want to tube? Split decision. Dad said no.

Docs say these are the risks. Dad said no.
It's what he wanted

They do tests, CT scan. His doc comes.

He says not good. No hope. Maybe a few minutes, maybe a few days.

His heart is strong, his brain is gone.

It was fine only yesterday.

We watch the screens, BP is fine.

 

They take him upstairs, in a room, no one else, to die.

 

We have a cot, we have chairs, we have cookies and McDonalds choc milkshake.

Daddy, you would really like these.
Daddy humor. Dark humor.
5 am

 

Death rattle, morphine, a little sleep, more cookies.

 

Daddy it's ok to die.

And he is gone.